Out of all the notable person deaths (I hate to use the word “celebrity” there because that cheapens it somehow), the one to hit me the hardest in awhile has been Brian Wilson. I felt sad when Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died on the same day, then Norm Macdonald in 2021 was a big one, and David Lynch earlier this year was tough for me. It’s weird to think that a person could ever have difficulty with someone they’ve never met passing away, but it does happen. You never really get this until it actually happens. Norm, for example, was always a sort of warm presence for me with so many classic YouTube videos of various appearances that kept me in a good mood over the years and I never really connected the dots about how much I loved him. And David Lynch’s spirit was always just a positive force for me (I’m pretty sure I got into meditation due to him) that it immediately saddened me to learn about his passing.
As for Brian Wilson, I can’t really put into words why it’s so sad for me, but I’ll certainly try. Anyone that has read my first novel, Absolute Anhedonia, knows that I mention his album Pet Sounds and it’s a huge talking point in one passage. I was using the various releases and editions of that album to make a point about technology and progress or the illusion of progress. The reason I used Pet Sounds specifically in the novel as the example was not just because it was a perfect example of an album that has multiple releases — after all, I could have easily done that with any other great album that has experienced the same fate of constant reissues and repressings (Beatles albums, Dark Side of The Moon, etc). The real reason is that Pet Sounds is easily one of my favourite albums ever made. It is perhaps the only album in my life that I can honestly tell you I don’t ever really skip when it comes to a certain song. I can’t really say that for some of my other favourite albums: for example, as much as I love Dark Side of The Moon, there is only so much psychedelia and sound effects I can take on a given day. Whenever I’m listening to Pet Sounds, believe me: I am listening to the whole thing from start to finish, I never stop it once it’s on. (The only track that is probably skippable is Sloop John B, and that one wasn’t even Brian’s idea. You could take that one out of the album and you’d still have Pet Sounds thematically speaking).
It’s kind of like catching your favourite movie when it happens to be on TV: you know you just have to finish watching it because it’s your favourite. The only time I’m not listening to the album in its entirety is because a song from it has come on the radio (most likely God Only Knows), or I feel like listening to one song in particular on that day a bunch of times in a row (most often I Just Wasn’t Made For These Times, because I can relate to that one the most).
To me, Brian Wilson represents so much. About the purity of being a great artist, what it takes to make a masterpiece/ the hard work and obsessive vision involved, the fine line between inspiration and danger when it comes to drug use and making art, etc etc. This whole article is going to be wildly unfocused because there is honestly just so much one could say about the man. What are we to make of the fact that his father used to abuse him and he used this as fuel to become a better artist? Or the fact that he was deaf in one ear (possibly due to his father’s abuse) and still made great music? It’s all so very inspiring, like it was meant to be. And not in a directly literal way — I am in no way musical and could never produce an album that stands the test of time like he did. But I mean in the sense of Brian Wilson literally waking up one day and saying to people around him, “I am going to make the greatest rock album ever made.” This sort of thing gives me chills because I know what it’s like to be an artist and go into something thinking the same thing. It’s like you’re possessed by the art spirit and compelled to make greatness, in a battle with time to achieve something before you’re gone. Eating, sleeping, these things become second nature to your main goal at that point. Now obviously I have never written a novel that has moved me out of my parents’ house and become some massive bestseller, but you can still appreciate my point: Brian Wilson just decided to make one of the best albums ever, and then he somehow did it. He was channelling some kind of thing and felt compelled to do it. If you’re an artist this has to speak to you on some level even if you don’t like his music.
For whatever reason, it all came together perfectly and we got Pet Sounds. I have often stated that I am not really sure about the existence of god, but there are certain people like Brian Wilson that make me lean toward the idea of there being some kind of higher power. I know that sounds very over the top, especially to those of you that are hardcore atheists, but there’s just no other way I can describe it. Some people are so genius, so talented, that it makes one really have to pause and think about whether or not this person was sent here by some kind of higher being. How else can you explain an album like Pet Sounds? It couldn’t have been just hard work, talent, drug inspiration, great musicians….to me it’s so much more than that. It feels like it was so much more than mere “coincidence,” the atheist’s favourite phrase to describe certain anomalies in life — everything lined up perfectly to make that album happen.
The proof for me that Pet Sounds is such a brilliant album is the fact that it stands the test of time and holds up remarkably well. On the surface, it is essentially an album about a guy going through a breakup. That is a very underwhelming way to put it, but it can be partly understood as that. What we get is a young man’s feelings about love, uncertainty, longing, anxiety about what lies ahead, and themes of that nature. However, that’s just the surface. Underneath all of that it’s sort of representative of stuff we can all relate to. To call it an album about a bad breakup would be like saying Animal Farm is about animals hanging out on a farm. Brian Wilson uses the image and reputation of The Beach Boys to create a masterpiece; it’s like he was built for something greater, but he had to dumb whatever was in his head down to fit the criteria of “pop rock album” for the masses. Something that amuses me even further about this is that I have never had a girlfriend or been in any sort of serious relationship with a woman myself, so the idea that a guy could make an album like Pet Sounds ostensibly about a breakup that speaks to me so deeply is a great example of his genius; on one level it appeals to the pop music masses, but then it’s got other deeper themes running through it as well. It’s open to multiple interpretations as some of the best art often is. You could read “Caroline, No” in the literal sense of a guy mourning the loss of a girl with that name, but you could also hear it as a guy mourning the loss of something greater than that (which is how I hear it). One of the first times I was on mushrooms I remember listening to Pet Sounds on a subway train taking me home, and I remember feeling like every single line was speaking directly to me as a person. Even though, like I said, I’ve never had a girlfriend or experienced a breakup, it was like the album I was hearing applied to me at that exact point in my life. For example, I was feeling like shit and then lyrics like,
“Let me go home
Why don't they let me go home?
This is the worst trip I've ever been on”
would appear. I have obviously heard the album many times since that one mushroom trip, and the same thing happens minus the shrooms influence. When I hear that album I don’t just hear a simple story about a guy breaking up, it’s about a bunch of things under the guise of a regular average rock/pop album.
Two more things and then I’ll wrap this up. In 2016, due to the 50th anniversary, Brian Wilson toured Pet Sounds around the world and would perform the album in its entirety with a group of various musicians. I somehow lucked out and got a ticket for the first row for their show in Montreal, and it was absolutely incredible. Not only did they perform Pet Sounds, but a slew of their other hits. I can’t sit here and honestly tell you that they sounded exactly the same as they did on the records they made several decades earlier, but I will say that it was a great performance. I was blown away by how Brian Wilson, even though he seemed winded at times, still managed to sing all these great songs (with help from Al Jardine and other great musicians). It gave the work such a sweet additional layer to appreciate; these weren’t songs about a young man’s crisis and inner turmoil after all, it was like an older man now reflecting on it and saying it would all work out. Looking at Brian Wilson sitting there onstage behind a mic got me sort of emotional: to think that all of this work came from that dude and he was still up there after all those years…I mean, I kinda wanna tear up now just thinking about it.
The final thing I wanna say is a weird story. I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but in 2018 or so I think I commented on some kind of Beach Boys Facebook group. Shortly after this I was contacted by someone who told me they were Brian Wilson, and to give them my e-mail address so we could chat on Google. I figured it was just some dumbass who saw me on the Facebook group and was attempting to scam fans by claiming to be Brian Wilson; I thought I would just have fun and laugh about it. I ended up interacting with this person for years on Gmail chat. An example of one of our exchanges would be:
“Good morning, how are you doing today?”
“Doing great, I’m going to work today. How are you?”
“I’m preparing for the tour in _______ so I’m busy right now.”
I would look up the places he was talking about and it would be accurate. This went on for awhile. The funny thing about this is that whoever was doing this never attempted to scam me or anything, which is what I thought would happen. We just talked like regular people. I didn’t believe it was actually Brian Wilson, but I kept interacting with them for some reason. I found it strangely comforting, and it was cool to carry on a conversation with one of my heroes like this even if it happened to be fake and very weird. I have attempted to speak to this person since Brian Wilson’s passing, and I haven’t received any response back. There isn’t any big crescendo here or point to the story, I just thought I would share that. Sometimes strange things just happen and they’re unexplainable.
Rest In Peace Brian Wilson, a very meaningful and influential artist for my life. He channeled something no one else could and left us all a masterpiece that will continue to stand the test of time (or for however long earth will be around). He was a “tortured artist” in every sense of the phrase; I hope he finally finds peace up there.
